Archive for December 5th, 2010

December 5, 2010


by Accidental Bear

Holy Cow! This is soooooo offensive. I hope it doesn’t offend (too many) people!

December 5, 2010

Pic of the Day

by Accidental Bear

Candy Blow Job? Get’r done!

December 5, 2010

Hard Candy Christmas

by Accidental Bear

Nothing like your favorite whore house closing down at Christmas. What does Hard Candy Christmas mean to you ? As a kid one of my favorite movies was Best Little Whore House in Texas, but the meaning of the songs went in one ear and out the other. I was bedazzled by Burt Reynolds mustache , Dolly Partons boobs, and the oh so sexy dance scene in the locker room after the football team one the game. Probably one of the gayest things ever on television. It was a time before everything had to raunchy. I dare say the scene was cute ( don’t shoot me)

****A hard candy Christmas is when the family is so poor that all they could afford was a penny bag of hard candy to give their kids. Yes, this actually used to be a Christmas treat, and still is to some, but that’s in addition to other treats. And the kids in that family would love it because that would be the ONLY time of the year the family could splurge on something like candy.
Dating from the 1850s, but also a common phrase during the Civil war, World War One, and the Great Depression. *****

December 5, 2010

How to Make the Perfect Manly Snowball

by Accidental Bear

Have you ever been hit smack dab between your eyes with a snow ball? How about an ice ball. Growing up with 4 brothers we knew no mercy! I lived in a land of Smear the Queer ( , but I grew to be quick on my feet. So here’s a tip for all you out there in the snow. Oh, and one tip with your snow balls…. AIM FOR THE HEAD!

Find the perfect snow. To make the perfect snowball, you need the perfect snow. For the best snowballs, find snow that’s not too wet or too dry. If it’s too wet, you’ll just end up making slushballs, which are basically rocks. Not a good thing for snowball fights unless you’re looking to kill a man.

While light, powdery snow makes great snow for skiing, it’s not conducive to snowball making. Colder temperatures create this powdery snow. Because of its low moisture content, powdery snow won’t pack. However, if you only have powder snow, there a few things you can do to make it suitable for packing snowballs.

First, look for snow in slightly warmer places such as close to the street where cars have driven or near houses where the heat given off from inside might warm things up a bit.

Second, and if you’re a masochist, pack the snowballs with your bare hands. The heat from your hands will warm up the snow and create enough moisture for it to stick together. Of course if the snowball fight lasts several hours, you might lose a few of your digits.

Third, wait until the middle of the day before you start your snowball fight. This will give the sun time to warm the snow up a bit and create the needed moisture for snowball packing.

Wear gloves, not mittens. When packing snowballs, you’ll need all the finger dexterity you can get. While mittens keep your hands nice and toasty, it’s hard to pack a snowball with a pair of flippers. It’s not impossible; it just takes more time and care. But that extra time can spell the difference between getting pegged in the face with a snowball and being able to launch a preemptive strike.

Also, the mitten’s strength in keeping your hands warm is also its weakness in making snowballs. Less heat escapes from a mitten. But you need a little heat for snowball packing, especially if you only have dry snow available. So instead of mittens, go with gloves. You’ll have the dexterity to quickly form snowballs and just enough heat to create the moisture needed for proper packing.

Packing your snowball. You’ve found the perfect snow and you have your gloves on; now it’s time to start making those snowballs. When selecting snow for your ammo, go with the snow a few inches below the surface. The top layer has already packed this snow down. Using pre-packed snow makes your job a bit easier. Fill both your cupped hands with snow. Start bringing your hands together while rotating them to pack the snow. Each time you bring your hands together, apply more and more pressure. If you start off with too much pressure, the snowball will just fall apart.

When you start feeling some resistance from the snow as you pack, the snowball is ready. Stop pressing and start smoothing the ball out so if forms a nice spherical shape. Ba-da-bing! You’ve got yourself a top notch snow grenade.

No soakers (unless you want to up the pain level) Soakers are snowballs dipped in water. The water causes the snow to melt a bit and ice up, turning a nice fluffy snowball into a cold, hard ice ball. Getting hit with a soaker feels like getting hit with a baseball. I’ve been hit many a time with these treacherous projectiles, and it hurts like hell. Never use soakers in friendly snowball fights with children and little old ladies. However, if you and your buds want to make your annual winter capture-the-flag game a bit more interesting, i.e. more painful, make it a soaker-only game. If your wife asks you why you have a bunch of welts on your body, tell her you got in a fight with a Yeti.

Make your snowballs one at a time or all at once? Strategy dictates which method you choose. If you lack cover and are being barraged with snowy projectiles, then you’ll have to make them one at a time. However, if you have sufficient cover to shield you from attack, build up an ammo pile before you launch your assault. When the enemy stoops over to make his one snowball, you can fire two or three snowballs at him. Master of the Snowball, Buddy the Elf, will show you how it’s done (of course having a rapid fire arm helps too):


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