‘Am I undatable because I’m HIV+?

by Accidental Bear
Question: I have a good job.  I am athletic and health oriented.  I am the boy next door.  I live right outside of one of the largest and gayest cities in the world.  I have awesome family and friends.Oh, and I happen to have HIV.Because of the latter, all the other traits I can bring to the table seem not to matter when it comes to dating.  I have tried HIV dating websites and social events but I have been unsuccessful.  Since my status does not define me and I do not like limiting myself to just HIV+ guys, I am open to dating anyone who fits into what I look for in a man.  Although the statistics amongst gay urban males regarding HIV seem like this would not be an issue in 2011, it still is.My question is how do I deal with HIV stigma and dating without giving up hope? Signed,Seriously single and losing hope.

Dear SSLH,

I love that you do not define yourself by your health status! Leading with who you are as a person rather than your health status as your primary image of yourself is going to shape your dating experiences. Using one’s status as an excuse or feeling victimized by it is a recipe for poor self-esteem and bad dating experiences.

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