Posts tagged ‘Loneliness’

December 19, 2010

Gay Epidemic: Loneliness

by Accidental Bear

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What’s with all this loneliness anyhow? I mean, I get it, Where ever you go there you are. But it doesn’t mean there you are all by yourself. Almost on a daily basis I hear from one my gay friends that he is lonely, undersexed and lost. Shit, we live in San Francisco , the land of the plenty , the frickin’ gay Mecca! How is this possible? Is lonely a state of mind? I often hear, ” I like to be alone and spend time by myself.” I totally get it, but there’s a point where, I believe you are trying to convince yourself of this as a defense of a much deeper issue.

Loneliness itself is never alone. It is usually coupled with depression or anxiety. Just this past year I lost three friends to suicide. And, welcome to the future , I was informed of all via Facebook. All of these gay men were extremely handsome, professional, coupled with loving partners and what I could tell not socially inept. Were they “alone” ? So, needless to say it worries me when I hear this constant confession of feeling lonely by friends, what ever appearance they may be  giving off.

I went on a road trip last year with a good friend to get out of town and spent some quality time catching up. Admittely , I dont call him much because I figured, seeing that he knew everyone in town, is drop goregous, with job, sweet , smart ( you get it) that was he was always busy. To my surprise, he tells me, ” I never leave the house, haven’t been on a date in over a year. I think I need to go on anti-deprssants.” he confesses. Me: “WHAT!?!?. Why dont you call!?!? Him, ” Well, you’re marrried and busy with school.” Arg!

So the perception you may have of someone, I hate to say it ,but you’re probably 95% wrong! We see the shell , a mask, a face to please the people. But What is happening on a much deeper level. I for one, 95% of the time where my happy go lucky mask. And when Im told by someone how they “see me”, happy, cool, calm, collected and centered ( ohh that one always gets me) , I think to myself, ” Damn, I want to be that guy they see!”

What to do? I have handfuls of amazing friends  that can’t find a date, lonely and bored.  Do I post pics of them here with there personal info? ( HA! You wish). I suggest limiting time spent on the interweb. Don’t delete all your accounts in a rampage ( I have friends in a moment frustration say, ” FUCK! I’m deleting my Manhunt account! And my Grindr , Adam4adam, Facebook, Myspace Daddy Hunt, Bear411, Big Muscle Bear etc) I say limit yourself to one or two and spend minimal time. Join a Gay Hiking group, a Bear Movie group ( FUN! And no one will judge you for eating a large popcorn with milk duds dumped on top). Let your geek shine through if thats what you are and join a gay Science group! No matter of corky you think you are , they guy next to you at coffee shop is probably corkier. Let you green thumb shine, I know plenty of hunky gardener/ landscapers, join a garden group. Put down you iphone, ipad, let down your gaurd, open up the wall you’ve built around yourself and let someone in. I promise you’ll be thankful OR I’ll give you your money back 🙂

SF Movie Bears: http://sfmoviebears.com/
SF Woodpeckers: http://www.facebook.com/home.phpsk=group_128323703890124

Other helpful info:

http://suicidehotlines.com/california.html

http://www.bascia.org/